You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
