Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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