the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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