Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
