I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
