Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
