Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize