Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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