i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
