just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
