dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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