Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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