If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
