have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have already put on my inside pants.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
