thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
