my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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