At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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