Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
