I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
