That's when you crack a 10am beer
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
