Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
