it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
