I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
