I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
