The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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