If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
