Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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