He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
