Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize