I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
