T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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