Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
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Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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