found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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