I can tuck mytits in my pants
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
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