I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I licked your asshole in confidence.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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