Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
