the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
