oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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