there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
