i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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