I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
did you just send me my own nude
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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