hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The best revenge is premature balding
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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