a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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