VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
