i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
