you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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