using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
