I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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