it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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