Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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