He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
