It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
