Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
