I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
