And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
