I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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