I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
