i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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