we made out on top of his cat.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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