they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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