Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
