i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
