Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
