At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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