it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
