Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
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i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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