I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
