This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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