this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
