My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
